I know many people think that due to their popularity on the Internet, cats are going to take over the world. I, however, would assert that it is University of Wyoming squirrels, and not cats, that are going to someday rule over humanity. I am always worried that I will someday end up in a nut house, and at the rate these fuzzy nuisances are going, they very well may take over.
Anyone who has ever walked across campus has probably noticed how confident our squirrels are. They get way closer to humans than normal squirrels, and all of them seem to have a slightly possessed look in their eyes as if to say, “If you do not give me that sandwich you just waited an hour at Pita Pit for, I will rain down with the vengeance of a thousand acorns upon thee.”
They are terrifying creatures, more akin to the gopher in “Caddy Shack” than the happy little fuzz balls we see in movies.
They have the strength of a thousand pit bulls. I have seen them dragging partially full containers of food back to their nutty headquarters. They also have more courage than a pride of lions. I have seen them run up a man’s leg and take a bit of the cookie he was eating. I wish I was making these things up, but people, I could not come up with stories like that. These kinds of skills are the gateway to ultimate world domination, which is why I call you all to take heed.
I wish there was something to be done about these tiny menaces, but due to their vast population, I think they are here to stay. However, I suggest we shift our fascination from Internet cats to squirrels, because if we are not careful, we all might actually end up in The Nut House.
