I, like the rest of Laradise, have a limited number of places at which to shop for my daily necessities, and because I am poor, lazy and shameless, I choose to shop at good old Wally World.
I have spent so much time in that Palace of Capitalism that I have become intimately familiar with the people who work and frequent there and always leave questioning everything about the human race.
I am always greeted, without fail, by a sweet old man who looks like he needs a warm cup of coffee and a thicker coat. First off, let us take a moment to question who the hell thought that was a good plan. I would genuinely love to have been in the management room when that conversation went down, as I imagine it went something like this:
“Hey, we have an old man who would like a job here, where should we place him?”
“Well Jim, I think that because it is regularly below freezing here in Wyoming, we should probably stick him at the front doors, because we all know old people tolerate cold the best of any age demographic. We should keep the virile 20-year-olds inside the store, for it would truly be a shame for them to freeze to death.”
I mean really Wal-Mart? Really ?
Then there are my fellow shoppers. I am going to be honest with you and say that often I regret being associated with the human race whilst perusing Wal-Mart’s isles. I have seen many a pudgy teenage girl wearing tight-ass pants, which is horrifying in ways I cannot describe. I have seen kids throwing hissy fits about getting Fruit Roll Ups instead of Gushers, the privilege of which saddens me to no end. And, I have both seen and smelled people who should be dipped in Clorox repeatedly in order to be allowed in public.
So, while I acknowledge that most of the people at Wal-Mart more than likely cannot help being the way that they are, the variety of crazy that strolls the aisles of that ode to consumerism is nothing short of spectacular and never ceases to amaze me.
