I’m a touch. You don’t know what a touch is? Let me explain.
According to “marriage and life expert” Gary Chapman, there are five love languages in which people feel loved by other people. These include the following: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. To learn more about these extraordinary gifts and discover yours, visit http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. But to explain briefly, touches like to be held, touched, massaged, etc. Words include verbal encouragement. Quality time is intentional time spent together doing activities one or both of you like. Gifts – self-explanatory. Acts of service is doing something like the dishes or washing the car for someone else. These love languages can describe how one “speaks” to his significant other or to just a friend. Different cultures, too, are more prone to speak a certain language of love and respect towards others.
We all receive and share our love differently. Some of that comes from how we were raised, some from our own individuality and some from the cultures we live in. From my travels abroad and at home I’ve come up with certain parts of the world that adhere more readily to certain aspects of showing love. We will start with touch because it’s my favorite.
Southeast Asians love the act of touching. They often hold hands, hug, sometimes kiss, sit close to one another, braid hair, etc. That was one of my favorite parts about Southeast Asia. I remember in Cambodia, I was working with a schoolteacher and a pastor’s wife, and they were leading us to a farm. They walked very closely next to each other and purposefully bumped into each other; every once in awhile one of them would grab the other’s hand. I asked the pastor if they were close friends, and he said that they had just met that morning. But that was natural, simply their culture. In Indonesia, it was normal to walk down the streets with my college friends of only three-weeks, sit on each others’ laps, and sleep in the same bed. It wasn’t weird, just different. I felt so loved being touched all the time, you could well imagine.
I believe our own culture is a culture of words of affirmation. As Americans, we are constantly told “you can do it,” “believe in yourself,” “you deserve to be happy,” etc. We like to know that we are great and that we are doing a good job. It’s something that our culture has raised us up to crave and desire. Even within friendships and relationships, words are very important to us. As a nation, we probably spend more time on the phone or computer than any other activity we engage in. It’s because we want to be in communication with other people. We want to build each other up with our words. We are also very full of grace with our words, taking care not to hurt feelings. The European culture, in contrast, is very abrasive and blunt with their words, often using sarcasm, while the Asian cultures state opinions as facts very straightforwardly.
Talking with my good friend Katie Powell, I am convinced that South American cultures, specifically the Peruvian culture, enjoy quality time. Katie said her host family always had people (family, friends, and sometimes strangers) in and out of their house. On Saturday mornings, they would provide breakfast for all of the childhood friends one of the daughters had grown up with. And as I mentioned in a previous column, they gather together as huge families to celebrate any and everything. Katie showed me some pictures of her host family, and most of the pictures included a ton of family members (extended) who just happened to be in her home at the time. Any kind of social gathering is embraced and sought after in their culture.
Another good friend of mine, Shelby Hayes told me that Gabon, Africa is a place that embraces the giving and receiving of gifts. She told me how this family-oriented culture is extremely hard-working, and that whoever has the means to provide, does the providing. The women of the house typically work outside the home, and they will also have meals ready and raise the children. They eagerly and willingly give of themselves for their family. If one family member is in need, all others will give money or food or whatever else is required to fill a need.
The last language is acts of service. I saw this greatly manifested in the European culture. They loved opening up their homes and inviting people for tea and coffee. They are very willing to help with language barriers, if one is indeed willing to try and learn and not just speak English when in France, for example. They are an open culture and are enthusiastic in sharing their homes and lives with others. The transportation system alone can be seen as the government’s act of service toward the people.
Different cultures surely share their love differently, and regardless of culture, people express and receive affection differently. As a whole, these are some trends I’ve found. I’d encourage you to find out what yours is and also how the people you love desire to be loved. It makes it a lot easier to understand how someone receives love. I learned that the Brits were more sarcastic with their words. From that, I learned the reason they were all so awkward at receiving compliments: their culture doesn’t receive words of affirmation well. They also have a very small bubble. In the same way, the Southeast Asian culture doesn’t like to receive gifts. They feel as if they are taking advantage of the gift-giver. I learned that the hard way too. Awkward. So don’t be awkward. Be appropriate in how you show displays of affection.
