Drinking is horrible. Now I don’t mean that in the 80s after school special way or like that chubby D.A.R.E. officer who showed you a video of a rapping cat to teach you about the dangers of smoking. No, when I say binge drinking on a Wednesday night (or any night) is bad for you I mean that it is so, so, so, terribly boring.
I stand at the bar with friends and within minutes I’m already twiddling my thumbs, swaying irritably, and asking myself, “Why don’t all these people just do this at home
There are many reasons I’m given as to why going to the bars is fun to do. My favorite is to be social and meet new people. I have more reasons why that logic is flawed.
1.)Because no.
2.) Who is social at bars outside of their little circle? When you go there you don’t see people mingling, you see them huddled in their corner afraid to make eye contact with anyone. Plus how are your friends so boring that you need Fireball to even stand them.
3.) The worst people you will ever meet are drunken strangers at a bar. Worst. People. Ever. Why do I want to meet more of them?
The next is to hang with good people and drink good beer. I have a hard time believing this because, given this is the hipster excuse, the argument collapses the second they start buying Pabst Blue Ribbon. That’s only acceptable if you’re Clint Eastwood.
But the worst excuse is the one people always post about on Facebook or Instagram and flood your Snapchat feed with pitch black pics: living life. The mentality is “if you’re not going out to the bars on the weekend then you’re not living.” That’s pathetic.
That’s what being an alcoholic is. Having a dependency on drinking that satisfies an emotional need you can’t suffice with anything else that’s mentally or physically substantial. Except instead of depression the emotional need is to be liked and to think your life means something. Good God, Lemon!
If you wanna go out and party every night, more power to you. After a long week of classes that seems to be the only thing that cures the stress of most students. Just don’t act like what you’re doing is adventurous, worthy of praise the next day, a hobby or the only way to truly live life at this age. You have the power to do anything you want as an adult.
Don’t make it seem like stewing away in a bar or in someone’s BO infused house is the pinnacle of youth is. When your kids ask you about your exciting life you won’t look back so fondly when your answer is, “I…uh…hmmm…uh…I saw a squirrel once, I think.”
So tonight when you all go out to your parties or to the bar to get a slightly orange concoction, don’t make it seem like you’re doing something unique. You’re using a Pagan holiday mostly aimed at kids to validate saying you have to, absolutely have to get drunk tonight while dressing like a slutty chicken.
