I had the chance to tie up some loose ends over winter break. I’m talking high school sweethearts—sorry—let me rephrase that, high school lays that just seemed to follow me around like pieces of toilet paper stuck to my shoe. I’ve been graduated for close to three years now and every so often I would hear from one of them, or two, or three. OK there are three (major ones at least) that had some sort of impact on my life.
There’s no slut shaming here, so if you’re one of those few misogynistic gems just kindly move along.
On top of all of this I also just got out of an extremely unhealthy relationship, also mentioned in my blog, so needless to say I was ready for a new start. But anyone who has ever had a broken heart or lost a lover knows how hard it is to just walk away.
Now, at the time of fraternization I didn’t view them as simply “lays,” I thought I loved them in some way or another; however, I found myself reevaluating that “love” since I’ve been home. I kept asking myself, “What the hell do I see in these losers?” and I kept coming up with the same answer. Nothing.
They were nobodies; they had no futures other than carpentry (which I am inadvertently attracted to, thanks dad and the Electra complex) and drugs. I kept trying to tell myself they weren’t that bad . . . it didn’t matter that they were sniffing coke along with drywall dust everyday, right?
Oh, and the pièce de résistance of the whole situation was that all three of them had girlfriends. Two of which had already cheated on their SOs with me in the past. Classy gents huh?
So, here’s where we cut ties and let these f*ckers drift out to sea.
- Sit down and create a pro and con list.
I mean physically get out the damn paper, because by the time you have gotten through the plethora of cons you will have forgotten half of them. And none of this “It’s a con but I can deal” sh*t, if you can deal, then it’s not a con. Physically jotting down these lists will help to cement them in your memory. According to Psychology Today writing things down has four advantages: it takes your worries and make them tangible rather than abstract, so you can deal with them; it makes it possible to see connections, so when he ignores your calls and you see pictures of other women plastered all over his Instagram, you can finally let go of your hopeless denial and realize he’s a player; it allows you to look at things and let them go, sure he has a nice dimples, but he also does meth…time for you to hit the road; and recording things makes you remember, so when you begin thinking of all the “pros” this loser seems to have, you can think back to your list and remember that he eats his own toenails.
- Next, sit there and actually think about what these dirtbags do for your life.
Sure, they may text you once in a while and tell you how beautiful you are, inquiring when you are coming home next. But were they there at your doorstep taking you out when you were in high school? Did they ever meet your parents face-to-face or was he the “sneak in the window type?” Has he given you copious amounts of attention as a gentleman should? The answer more than likely is, negative. Just sh*t can him.
- After these first two actions you will be able to realize that this person is nothing but a piece of gum plastered to the bottom of your shoe, ready to be scraped off and disposed of. Think about your future in laws, think about your children, think about the ramifications of being with this person. Once you have finally figured out andaccepted that he will probably be in and out of prison the rest of his life, married to the same girl he cheated on with you (who dyes her hair at home and is in need of some serious dental work) turn around and don’t look back, ever. Even though you were always there when he needed you, he never appreciated it and most importantly he never will.
Everyday look at yourself in the mirror and know that you are a beautiful, intelligent woman (or man) and that you deserve the absolute best.
