Chess is not a sport.
Glad we got that out of the way because chess is a hobby, not a sport. What constitutes a sport? This is a question that has been hotly debated for a long time, as well as the best athletes in the world. Let’s set some parameters as to “What is a sport?” I apologize in advance to anyone that thinks their event is a sport, and gets shot down by my impeccable logic.
1) It must be competitive in nature. Duh, obviously that’s number one and most everyone agrees with that. Yet, just because you compete with someone else does not make an event a “sport.” I have yet to see the backyard family barbecue Badminton tournament turn into Aunt Lisa and Great Uncle David spatting words across the net. Not a sport. The event needs to make you say at the end “I hate that guy/girl/thing.”
2) It must have some sort of athletic prowess involved. Hence, chess is out of the equation. So are all other board games. If I did not include this provision, all of a sudden “Call of Duty” marathons would be considered sports. No. For as much fun as I have playing “Call of Duty” all night with friends, it’s not a sport. You’re not an athlete. For everyone that says baseball players are not athletes, i.e. Prince Fielder, can stuff a sock in it. You go ahead and try hitting a 90 MPH baseball with a round bat, and have little to no athletic ability. I’ll wait.
3) There must be professionals also playing this “sport.” Real professionals too, not a bunch of people that get together and have Quidditch events for fun. Therefore borderline professional sports like Water Polo and Polo make the cut. I suppose even archery makes it. Congratulations guys!
4) You must have mental wherewithal to compete over and over again. Golf makes it then. Golf is the true thinking man’s game. For 18 holes and close to four hours, you must repeat the same action close to 80 times and not break mentally without risking the entire round. Also, going back to rule No. 1, at the end of the round you say every time “I hate that course it made me look dumb.”
There are thousands of other criteria you could talk of, but these are the big four. Does cheerleading fall into this? Does slow toss softball fall into this? What about competitive hot dog eating? That’s for your discretion, reader. Happy Spring Break, Pokes!
