As a result of recent student suicides at UW, Corine Gardner felt lingering feelings of her depression creep up.
“Its really hard when you have thoughts about suicide to see someone actually commit suicide,” she said. “I think that it hurts because you are fighting this battle and you see somebody else losing that battle.”
Beginning in January, Gardner’s depression had her fighting each day, each hour, each minute, constantly feeling like she was losing to her emotions.
Being a graduate student at UW, Gardner, 24, does not have the time or energy to struggle with depression.
“I found I was just sad a lot,” she said. “To a point where it was really difficult to get through my classes without crying and to do what I needed to do during the day. I basically just lost the ability to function.”
As a college student, Gardner is not alone in battling depression. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 30 percent of college students report feeling “so depressed that it was difficult to function.”
Upon realizing the depression was more than a lingering sadness, Gardner sought medical help through counseling and taking antidepressants.
“I thought, ‘I am so emotional right now that I need to get to a point where I can get through the day without being crippled by my emotions,’” she said.
Depression is different from normal bouts of sadness. Depression lingers, leaving victims questioning why they are even sad, Toi Geil, UW Counseling Center associate director, said. Symptoms can include a depressed mood, lethargy, anxiety, appetite disturbances and unusual sleep patterns.
“We are all going to have times when we are struggling – nobody gets a pass on that,” she said. “But if I have been struggling with having a down mood for a long time that comes and goes and comes and goes, and it’s impacting me, I’m going to want to go talk to somebody.”
It is not uncommon for students entering college to have already been wrestling with depression on and off, Geil said, adding that emotional hurdles in college can trigger depressed feelings.
Sometimes these down feelings are so intense that antidepressants are needed.
“Depression is like putting on a pair of poop colored glasses, and when you put them on nothing looks good,” Geil said. “Antidepressants can in time move us through that and help us take off those poop colored glasses and help us see the beauty and wholesomeness and loveliness that is life.”
Although she received a wide array of support, Gardner said she believes there is a social stigma attached to anti-depressants. People wrongly accuse the pills of being stimulants, she said; however, Gardner said she thanks antidepressants for helping her function in order to begin recovery.
“You think antidepressants are the opposite of being depressed, which would be happy, so you think somebody is taking ‘happy pills,’” she said. “That’s just not the case. What I think of it as is it basically is just where before I felt like I was drowning in how I felt, the antidepressants helped me keep my head above water.”
Not all people agree with this approach to depression.
John Chekan and Luke Barron, Laramie County Community College sophomores, have a different perspective on the illness. The duo said they believe depression boils down to not having enough will power. Overcoming the mental illness requires a sturdy mindset without the use of antidepressants, they said.
“You have a hardship in your life and you let it go too long where you’ve lost your will,” Chekan said. “If you have the will power to overcome it then you can get over your depression. A lot of people I’ve met they kind of wallow in it.”
People become dependent on antidepressants, Chekan and Barron said. The pills serve as a “Band-Aid,” but not a true fix, they said.
They said they compare drinking alcohol to negate sad feelings to using antidepressants.
“You depend on the antidepressant to keep yourself above water, but your body has all the chemicals to help think you’re happy,” Chekan said. “It’s all about your mindset.”
It is tempting to equate depression to not enough will power; however, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), depression is brought on by genetic, biological, psychological and environmental factors.
The NIMH cites brain imaging as proof people suffer from depression as they have different looking brains from those who are not.
Gardner said she has had to battle depression without the full support of her family. Her mom accused her of simply “not wanting to be happy,” and her family struggles to understand her need for medication.
As someone who dealt with suicidal thoughts, Gardner said she understands she needs the boost from the medication.
“Individuals who take antidepressants, they’re just trying to get on a level playing field,” Gardner said. “For some people that’s easier than others. Even if you are on the playing field, sometimes you still lose the battle.”
Admitting her sadness was bigger than her did not come easy, Gardner said. Initially there was a sense of embarrassment, but now she said she feels proud for reaching out for guidance.
Visiting the Student Health Center or Counseling Center at UW is always encouraged, Geil said. Even if someone merely senses they are “feeling off,” seeking professional medical help can be useful, she said.
“Go talk to a medical professional about it, because you don’t want to wait till your in a place where your life is negatively impacted,” she said.
From her experience, it appears depression is less accepted in the mountain states, Geil said. Originally working at Western Washington University, Geil said she noticed students discuss openly about their depression.
“It was kind of a status thing for some folks,” she said.
Geil said, adding that it is something communities should “actively change.”
Often people don’t know how to react to someone with depression, Gardner said. The ideal scenario is to communicate and simply be there for the individual.
“I think that it is important to understand that it is an experience – it’s how someone is currently living their life,” she said.
Overcoming depression is a long journey. Three months later, Gardner said she still endures hard days, but she said she hopes her experience can help someone struggling.
“The best thing I can do for someone else who is battling depression is to say this is a hard battle, and it really sucks,” she said. “But, I’m here, and if there’s anything I can do to help, I hope that you can come to me.”
