Matthew Fabian
Mfabian1@uwyo.edu
The Supreme Court of the United States has adjudicated legislation the right to cut down on plight, so my only question is: why have large and obnoxious trucks not been outlawed?
An otherwise beautiful western town sitting on the high plains continues to be compromised by the unfortunate sight of large diesel Cummins trucks that roll coal down Grand Ave. An obscene use of metal and chrome continue to roll down our streets, with no sign of stopping anytime soon.
Where do you live that requires your truck be lifted anything more than 6-inches? Does your house sit in the middle of a frickin’ swamp? Are you required to traverse through a few feet of water or mud to get to your place of residence? If not, don’t get a lift kit that big. You look like an idiot. Do you want people to think you’re 8-feet tall? Or do you want to keep others out of your truck so bad that you need a ladder to climb in?
I am all for trucks, believe me. Standing at 6’3” and pushing 270 lbs, I really hate having to pile into my 1993 Volvo every time I drive. I would love nothing more than to have a cab with copious amounts of space, and a bed to haul around large items, but the giant trucks that plague Laramie and Wyoming? I wouldn’t be caught dead with one.
I have little desire to show off to the world, “Don’t doubt my masculinity! I am a man!” Just because you slap a pair of truck nuts on your trailer does not make you edgy or even a manly man. People claim it is their right to show off their truck with a pair of truck nuts. Feel free to exercise that right, but you are simply outing yourself as an insecure moron.
Starting today, I will be starting an effort to try and cut down on the monstrosity that is giant trucks and truck nuts. No more 8 a.m. driving by the dorms with revving engines, trying to troll the freshmen. I want to put an end to owners of these trucks taking up more than two parking spots, simply because their conscience will not let them own a vehicle of more practical quality.
No, I am not that jerk making the ‘over-compensation’ argument against trucks. That’s for middle-aged men that buy a cherry red Corvette. Obscene truck drivers are of a different explanation. They feel a constant need to remind themselves, and everyone around them, they could haul more than you, be louder than you and look more country than you.
Trucks are fine. I love trucks and a few of my friends in Laramie own trucks that I am envious of owning. Yet, all things in life need to come with moderation. Overdoing your truck with a 12-inch lift-kit and 48-inch rims does not make you a Cowboy nor does it make you more of a man. Simply put, it makes you an a–hole.
Have a good weekend, and Go Pokes!
