While Robin Barry may focus on couple and family relationships in the psychology department, it was not where she had intended to go.
“My life has been a bit of a winding path,” Barry said.
Graduating with a BA in communication and political science, Barry found herself fundraising for the American Heart Association.
“We had people come in and talk about their research that had been funded by the AHA,” Barry said. “Some of the studies that just blew my mind where a researcher came in and talked about people who had a stroke, in support of loving relationships, lived much longer than people who were not in supportive, loving relationships.”
Barry had found her interest and took post-baccalaureate classes for two years so she could get into grad school for psychology.
Still Barry was not sure what kind of relationships she wanted to study. Through the grad school interview process, Barry figured out the study of couple’s relationship interested her.
“It’s a complicated relationship because it’s a relationship that’s voluntary, but can be so central,” Barry said. “We choose to be in that relationship unlike much of our family relationships. It tends to be the primary relationship for many adults.”
Barry also teaches classes on clinical psychology. She is able to blend her two interests through the defined links.
“Almost every single mental illness has a link with relationship distress,” Barry said. “The relationship between romantic relationship problems and clinical distress is bidirectional.”
This means that problems in someone’s relationship can cause problems in their mental health and vice versa.
“It’s a complicated relationship, but they definitely influence each other,” Barry said.
Relationships are often defined by communication and the same goes for clinical psychology.
“Communication is one of the most difficult and important things,” Barry said. “What happens between therapists and clients is communication. So, the quality of that communication is a big part of the interaction.”
Even though Barry has a degree in communication, she is constantly trying to work on it.
“I think that communication is really difficult and so it’s something that we always have to practice and be aware of,” Barry said. “And strive to do better. In the context of our relationships but also as therapists, as teachers. I think it’s something I’m always trying to work on.
Aside from romantic relationships, Barry has researched the Buddhist principle of mindfulness.
“Mindfulness is a practice of trying to pay attention, non-judgmentally, to what is going on in the here and now,” Barry said. “A lot of human suffering happens because we’re worrying about what’s going to happen in the future or we’re regretting what happened in the past.”
To decrease human suffering, Barry says to stay in the moment and to understand how to respond healthfully to problems in life.
“I found that to be pretty profound and helpful for me personally,” Barry said.
For those thinking they have the perfect relationship, watch out. Barry said she has not found the perfect relationship yet.
“I have never seen it but there could be,” Barry said. “There may be perfect moments but life is always changing. Our relationships change with that.”
Do not be discouraged though, one can have the relationship they want. For those striving to be in the perfect relationship, take care of yourself first, mentally and physically.
“It’s important to be healthy yourself,” Barry said. “A lot of the things we do that are unhealthy, come from our own unhappiness, our own anxiety or our own struggles coming into our relationship.”
In short, self-care is the best care for your relationship.
“If you work to take care of yourself, and be as healthy and well as you can be, you can be a better partner,” Barry said.
