Dear Emily,
I have been going through a rough time and I am so glad that I have such a supportive family to back me up. My only problem is that, even though I know they are giving me good advice and support, the way they convey their support can come across a little negatively. I was just wondering if there is some way to talk to them and let them know that how they talk to me is offensive? Or should I just buck up and not be so sensitive when talking about tough issues with my family? -Dodging the Issues
Dear Dodging the Issues,
I had something similar happen to me when I tried to discuss the challenges of collegiate life with my mom and dad. Neither of them are college graduates and they honestly did not understand.
I decided to talk about my collegiate related issues with my great aunt who went back to school to become a nurse after having two children. She was much easier to relate to because she knew what I was going through.
Sometimes, as much as they would like to, family doesn’t understand what you’re going through. If you are referring to one specific issue, can you think of anyone in your family that has been through something similar and might be better to talk to?
If this is a recurring theme and they seem negative about the majority of the issues you try to discuss with them remember this, There are several ways you could phrase your concern with their negativity.
Try stepping back for a moment and ask yourself why you feel a certain way. If you can directly pinpoint what it is that makes you feel like they are being negative, maybe a certain hand gesture or the way someone rolls their eyes or a key phrase, go directly to that person and talk to them about it.
Pick out the action or phrase first then say something like, “when blank happens, it makes me feel like I am being judged more than advised (or what you see fit). I came to you because I love and trust you, and what I need right now is wisdom. This is hard for me and I need your help. Can you help me?” Sometimes, especially with family, we tend to be harsher, maybe all you need to do is point it out to them. Just remember, you are giving them the power to make you feel a certain way, when you are done with your conversation, the way you feel is entirely up to you.
Emily Bennett
