I recently went on a first date with a man who seemed to have it together. He was attractive, smart, good sense of humor; the ultimate package you could say. We immediately hit things off and he was hitting consecutive homeruns every time he was at bat. The success of our tremendous date had me questioning at the end of the night if sex on the first date is a potential relationship killer, because if it was I was certain I did not want to round the bases with this man…just yet.
Like me, you might have been told time and time again “In order for a man to respect you, you need to respect yourself.” I am a firm believer in this concept, but I also realize that this is the 21st century. The old school way of thinking is far out the door: a man courts a woman, waits a billion years while her heart steadily beats for the one man she loves and he manages to satisfy himself alone every evening, until they are finally wedded. Only until vows are said and there is a ring on each other’s finger can sex become an expressional way of nature. However, having sex today can simply mean that you have a lot in common, enjoy one another’s company and are horny.
However, it is common for those who have sex right away to feel a greater social pressure. Women have a little angel on their shoulder reminding them, “Don’t give it up. It will ruin your reputation.” Men have a devil with a smirking smile shouting “Go for it now. You might not get another chance.” But these “shoulder side-kicks” are not always telling the truth and sometimes those social pressures that represent our “shoulder side-kick” can possibly get in the way of how we really feel about one another. It is important that both men and women wait for their feelings to catch up. After all, since when does sex have a shelf life? If you wait three days, it only allows you both to talk about those feelings you have for another, time for you to sleep on it (in your own bed) and the opportunity for you to decide what you really want instead of what you think you should do. If the chemistry and connection is still there in a few days, I think the opportunity for arousal will still exist.
Of course, to every rule there is an exception even in the game of love. Rule #1 of love is there are no absolutes. Exception to Rule #1: the only universal absolute regarding potential relationships and love is that communication is key. So your date was awesome and you “connected” in all the ways possible and you both revealed to one another how in-tune you are to them, even enough to reveal an interest in becoming physically active immediately.
Unfortunately, as much as I stress the vital impact communication has on relationships, I am the first one who can vouch that communication still does not create the ideal relationship, even when used right off the bat. It is not a bad idea to exercise a little restraint, because it will likely create anticipation for the date to follow.
Sex does not hinder the potential for a future relationship. What really ruins future relationships is being dishonest about your needs and desires or not communicating them at all. The best advice I can offer you is to be smart about such a decision. Do not be under the influence of drugs or alcohol and always use protection. Sex can potentially change the dynamic of a relationship—not necessarily ruin it—so it is important that you share with your partner your expectations and wait for those feelings to fully develop before you engage in sexual activity.
