In the spirit of the holidays, I feel obliged to talk about family travel. I recently had the privilege of spending 16 hours in a small Toyota Prius with my family. If you have ever done this, you understand how truly majestic this experience can be.
The trip always starts out well. Everyone is happy to talk with one another and hear about school and work. The first hour is pleasant and lures you into a false sense of security.
The first problem arises when everyone gets hungry. In my family, we do not get hungry, but rather “hangry.” For those of you who are not familiar with “hanger”, it is the state of being so hungry that you slip into a vengeful state of anger. It typically results in hateful comments, violence and generally regrettable decisions. When four “hangry” members of my family are locked in a car the size of a small bathroom, tensions rise, and my sister and I usually start beating each other up. At this point we find the nearest town and feed everyone immediately.
After the natives have been fed, peace settles over the 12–square-foot kingdom and all slip into a pleasant slumber.
When we awake from our naps, everyone has too much energy and togetherness. It is a lethal combination that leads to a particular brand of weirdness. There is brutal mocking of one another, co-workers,and the general stupidity of the world. It is all fun and games for a while, but then things take a turn for the worse.
I tend to go too far with the comments and my sister’s feelings get hurt. My mom gets angry at me for making my sister cry, and I, instead of shutting my mouth like an intelligent human being, continue to mouth off until I get smacked with her perfectly manicured, acrylic nails. For those who have not experienced this privilege, it hurts like a thousand tiny samurai swords stabbing your cheek.
The trip always concludes with bitter silence, hunger and sore rear ends from sitting for so long. We spend the rest of the vacation eagerly anticipating the return trip, which always follows the same pattern.
So, my friends, do not allow yourselves to be lured into a false sense of security by the initial pleasantries of a family trip. In my experience, it always ends with hurt feelings, hungry stomachs and general spite towards those you love the most.
