This week’s issue of “What Really Grinds My Gears” isn’t an issue any of us common folk can control. It is still a valid annoyance, however entertaining the spectacle of the Academy Awards may be.
I’m sure most of you either tuned in to watch, read about, or just knew about the Academy Awards that took place this past Sunday. If you didn’t hear about the Awards on some media outlet, especially since it was the most talked about topic in entertainment for the past five days, I suggest you crawl out from under that rock you’re living under and start watching more senseless television. An Oscar is the highest esteem an actor can strive for, the epitome of a star’s career. After being merely nominated for an Oscar, stars are free to grow long hair, publish ridiculous memoirs, and admit to heavy alcohol consumption, and probably some drug use, too, (reference Joaquin Phoenix for an example). But after winning an Oscar…well, those select few individuals brilliant enough to achieve such an award, they can pretty much do whatever they want; those stars will shine in infamy.
I admittedly watched parts of the Academy Awards last Sunday, but it is so incredulously long that I lost interest 20 minutes in. My attention was regained for the major awards, like best actress and best picture. I can only watch starlets strategically pose just right so that their gowns, which cost more than some of my organs might cost on the black market, amplify America’s twisted definition of skinny and radiate, um… high fashion? I’m not sure what the purpose of these extravagant gowns and tuxedoes is; I’m not a “fashionista” like Kelly Osborne. They’re movie stars, they look good as it is, but dressing themselves up in quite possibly millions of dollars really solidifies their status of “good-looking.” I guess critics from all around the world rip these people apart on national television. We all know that hazardous fashion faux pas on the red carpet are not easily forgotten. Do you remember J. Lo’s provocative and revealing green piece of fabric glued to her body? I do.
I feel like this irrefutable parade of artistic genius and unearthly display of physical perfection is more than just mere annual entertainment. I feel like the Oscar’s are a real slap in the face to the current economic crisis. Watching unrealistically rich and beautiful people hand out statues made of gold to other fantastically wealthy and attractive people, how is that really a real thing? I suppose this ceremony is a perfect example of the free enterprise system and the “American Dream;” you get to keep most of what you earn. And that’s fair, if I were a movie star I would relish my 80,000 dollar gowns I only planned on wearing once. I would drink Starbucks twice a day and do absolutely ridiculous things with my insanely large amounts of cash. Wouldn’t you? But you have to wonder, does it get uncomfortable sitting in a small chair for three hours in a get-up that probably took four hours to put on? What does Anne Hatheway do if she perspires, or heaven forbid, has to use the restroom?
The accumulation of the ceremony ended with the presentation of the year’s best picture award. This year, First Lady Michelle Obama presented the award over a video-teleconference, which is smart because America loves her and she advocates against childhood obesity. But since when does the First Lady present an award at the Academy Awards? Even the private sector has government weaseling into its conduction of business now. I mean, can’t absurdly rich and gorgeous people hand out prestigious awards made out of gold to one another honoring their great accomplishments in peace? Mrs. Obama did look pretty glamorous, however.
And for all those, like me, that just don’t understand Jennifer Lawrence, she tripped walking up the stairs to accept the best actress award, so that was nice. For now, I wait in uneasy anticipation for the Academy Awards 2014. Who knows what they’ll do next?
