Nothing but half-naked men, beards, blood, boobs and shouting at things. The long-awaited sequel, 300: Rise of an Empire, delivers all the same blood-drenched masculinity but completely removes any sense of fun or creativity the original did manage to produce.
Anyone with a “hmm, don’t know what this is, but it could be good” mentality about this movie should hold their heads high and buy a ticket for The Lego Movie (or low, if buying for Son of God) instead. This is not the movie for you. There are literally buckets of blood that burst upon the screen in a slow-mo way only the 300 franchise can deliver. It’s all quite nauseating, really.
The visuals the original pioneered here are given a more polished look but is sometimes done too far over the filmmaker’s heads. Given most of the movie is seen on the water, there are many shots of hundreds of ships about to engage against hundreds of other ships. But, we only see two or three actually face off. How long must I wait for a water battle sequence to live up to its massive crane shot that makes it look like a sequence fit for Lord of the Rings?
Forever, I think, especially since my dreams were dashed with that crapshoot, Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
The movie was shot in 3D which may be losing its luster seeing as how I heard two people complain once they realized they missed the 2D showing. But the movie seems destined for 3D, as it’s mostly used for splashing blood at the screen or when the occasional head pops off.
There is a beautiful shot or two when King Xereses (Rodrigo Santoro) stands atop a cliff and we see a crane shot of the awesome empire he commands. But it’s mostly for chopping off heads, and often looks like a video game.
For all the blood and guts and epic battle sequences, none of it seemed terribly fun given the lack of imagination the original sometimes had. This includes the quotable dialogue, memorable sequences of carnage and the overall fun they had playing into the whole fantasy-with-history element. There are no giant elephants stomping around or mutant men battling Spartans.
If there are, they are usually standing around looking elephant-y or mutant-y. It seems they were trying to go with a serious feel this time, which is a storytelling style that should never be affiliated with these movies.
Thankfully, through all the darkness, there is one shining light. A light that makes the movie memorable, if only slightly: Eva Green as the evil navy captain Artemisia. She has so much fun playing this baddie you’d think she continued murdering people off set. Intimidating, seductive, with so much darkness behind her eyes, she glides through the sets and her dialogue. If Smaug was a human female, she would be it. Without her, this would be nothing but a mushy pile of male-targeted man-meat flying at the screen. She delivers a villainous grace the movie desperately needs.
I can’t say I don’t recommend this 300 sequel, because it’s made for exactly its target audience. It has all the gore, sex and style fans of the first one fawned over. What makes it a mediocre movie is it took away all the uniqueness the original had to spare.
However, fans won’t notice because they just associate all that stuff with the blood, sex and style of the first. They probably won’t know the difference because despite the palpable performance of Green, this is nothing more than a boorish exercise in blood-spattering seriousness targeted at tween movies and unbecoming men.
But, hey, if that’s your thing turn off your Boondock Saints DVD, chug the rest of your Monster energy drink, hop in your “awesome” Honda Civic and head to the movie theater. Oh, but make sure the brim of your hat is as flat and upturned as much as possible. The people sitting behind you will love it.
