Ladies and gentleman, the 2014 Student Satisfaction Survey is finally here. Pop the bubbly, break out the lampshades and hide all the clocks because it’s time to party. All of that was false. No one cares.
However, while shifting through the 100 pages of data on everything you guy’s love and hate I had trouble finding anything newsworthy. Turns out the number one thing you all hate most about this school is the weather (damn the villainous professors and their ghastly weather-altering machine!) and that the professors “don’t care enough” (they are educators, not your bar mitzvah pals).
But then I got to a page that peaked my curiosity: 44 percent of students surveyed said the school is “too conservative” and 12 percent said it’s “too liberal”. This was something that easily could’ve sent me up a wall. Who the hell cares what we all are? Do we need to know who to hate and which tables in the lunchroom to avoid? Bugger off, you cliques.
But then the last page of this modern Exodus made my heart grow three sizes. Something that rejuvenated any hope I lost for this generation: less than 10 people said that the political affiliations of students actually mattered to them. In short, you guys don’t give a s***. The party can officially start. You guys are hereby and henceforth adults.
The party system is the most juvenile aspect of, well, America. It is the root of most if not all our nations disagreements and the reason why no one can hold hands and play nice.
Hell, on a recent episode of “The Daily Show” they investigated the fact that some people where gobsmacked that a conservative and liberal could be happily married. They even interviewed people of each group, and each person of said group said they could never date/marry a person of a conflicting party. These are the opinions of babies, people. Actual. Human-sized. Babies.
But if this student survey has proved anything (other than how racist or non-racist we are) it’s that to you students such a trivial issue doesn’t matter. You in fact care about getting a good education and not about getting rid of all the rednecks or hippies. We are a school and come here to learn, and with that makes us a special kind of melting pot dedicated to learning.
Let’s also throw in the fact that we are far less homophobic in years past and that we put more work hours into getting a good grade. Our elders say we are the future generation of social disconnect and debauchery. Who knows, they may be right. That all actually sounds quite fun. But one thing we won’t be is the generation of shouting about our ideology as if it’s fact and demanding the world follows suit. We will be the generation of not giving a crap about pointless personal perceptions. We shall be true adults, and the world will bow to our reign. OK that was a little too dark, but you get the point.
