F— the NFL. Okay, that may be harsh, but in a world where big corporate fat-wigs are America’s number one enemy, The National Football League boasts a gut fit for a blue whale, chewing on the world’s thickest cigar as it fires two revolvers in the air atop a pile of your money.
For starters, the NFL is quite possibly one of the only organizations that markets, overpays and glorifies convicted felons. Now, I’m not talking about low-level convictions like pot possession (of which there are many) or storming the White House à la Pelennor Fields “Lord of the Rings” (which there are only two). No, I’m referring to genuinely evil acts, like child and spousal abuse and even murder.
But let’s cut to the crème de la crème of terrible which proves how idiotic the NFL is: Michael Vick. This man served two years for his involvement in a dog-fighting ring discovered at his own home. Dog-fighting is one of the top five worst things a human being can do, but Vick was only punished with a contract in jail and $5 million fine (if your jaw didn’t drop, you are a robot). And don’t say, “Hey, he did his time!” No, he didn’t; he did some time. He did two years of what should’ve been a bajillion-year sentence. His ashes should be locked up forever behind laser bars. But instead, his new Jets poster is nuzzled with care above a child’s bed as they dream of becoming just like him. Magical the mind of a child, no?
Thankfully, he will probably die of mangled insides or complications arisen from CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy), which is yet another series of serious problems the NFL ignores at risk of losing its beer-drenched fans. Almost all athletes suffer from a lifetime of injuries, ranging from the physical to the mental, even after they’ve retired.
These players get top-notch care as current players, but after retirement, they’re practically on their own. Unless a player plays for three or more seasons, they receive no health care after retirement. So if you’re nothing but a mushy sack of bones after two seasons, you better throw that bag over your mangled shoulder (and don’t leave behind your knees) for one more season if you want anything looked at. But even then, you’re only covered for five years.
Even worse, when CTE (which has caused depression —sometimes even suicide— in most retired players) is a real and very serious issue, the NFL has gone as far as to pay off—I mean hire—its own physicians to prove that it’s all voodoo (their literal words). Ignore those 45 out of 46 deceased players whose autopsies all showed signs of CTE, and go on believing that bashing into one another leads to zero mental repercussions. At least, that’s the actual voodoo the NFL advertises.
When does a society begin to lose all awareness and embrace such heinous actions and validate them as smart business decisions? These are horrible choices made by a terrible organization. You can only sweep things under the rug for so long before it looks like Peter Griffin is under there. When their own Hall of Famer Joe Namath says humans are not built for football, they should probably give up.
But they won’t, because they’re f—ing evil. They will continue to let convicted felons play for millions and deny health care and brain research to past players who have given everything to them for the sake of sport and elevating their brand. Why? Then no one would wear their crap or fall smitten to their stars as they chant the motto, “Beer! Wings! Manliness!” Because no one really wants to watch a goodie-two-shoes without mental problems, right?
